I had a really crappy week last week, but this week I am done with all the stress. I am going to make my week better, even though I found out the raise I thought I got, was a mistake by the payroll company. I don't have to give it back, but this week it will be back to normal minus the $50 extra I had last week,. Oh well.. Maybe I will get a raise once they are ready to hand them out.
I am determined to get over this bitterness that I have for the place that I loved just a week ago. I don't know why this is bothering me so much. Not sure if it was the fact that I got passed over again, and for the first time I really believe I should have been given the job. Granted I have been doing it already without the label. I finally believe in myself and was the best person for the job. And I thought they all respected me, When I was told They gave it to someone else, I was crushed.
I won't admit that to many people. But I was, I am not the make a big fuss and cause a racket to get my way type of person. And One of the people I consider my second family told me, Because he did not want me to find out any other way. And I truly believe he has nothing but my best interests at heart and I couldn't yell at him, even If I could.
I think I just don't understand why I was not just automatically considered. What is it that I am doing wrong that I am not considered management material. Now no one actually said that to me, and he said it was nothing against me at all but I was told my current Manager recommended he guy who got the job and the another co-worker jess, Him and Her, and not me.
Sure we have had our issues in the past 6 months or so. But I did'nt think it was personal. and trust me it was me getting aggravated because we were supposed to be a team , but it turned out me doing 95% and him 5%. You may think this could be common with a manager, But not when the whole department from 9am-5pm is you and him. That is it. At night we have another person, and we have another on the weekends.
So there really is not so much managing to do, then making sure things were covered and problems get taken care of, which by the way I handle all customer service problems. From missing items, to damaged items to lost claim to call tags to order taking. and on and on. Which I have no problem doing if I have a little help.
And with my current boss we sometimes worked good together then it would go all back to before. now you have to understand this is my lets see i will be there 5 yrs in august, I have had 1,2,3,4 and make this 5 "boss's". and I have been the one holding the department together through it all. I have been through 1 boss being fired for watching porn on his work computer 6 out of 8 hours, Yea, imagine my shock when I found that out!
Then I found out that a X-Co-Worker was stealing thousands of dollars of product, and made up a name and resold our stuff in ebay, mind you copying the exact description of our website. and picture. not very bright. The way I found out his then Girlfriend and new mother of his baby found out and told me. the baby who was just 10 months at the time. I always wondered how he bought PS3's and anything else he wanted and still had money for the baby and his GF, I Mean he was making the same if not less then me and his GF was not working.
Yea so it was Me who told them what was going on once I confirmed it. Me, who had to sit there and pretend nothing was happening when they searched his car and found every invoice he falsely made, idiot, and took him away. obviously he felt safe. I thought we were friends. Guess I was wrong I had no idea how he got away with it so long. we figured he at least took 4 grand in product that we can trace, Who knows how much more.
I also occupational babysit for one of the owners 7 yr old daughter and has since she was 4, so when she has no school at times she is at work, and guess who watches her.. while still working! Me! But she mainly colors or writes on the dry erase board or play games on my Iphone. that comes in handy! She is really a good girl though.
Now I am not saying I deserve the position for any of those reasons because really I would do all the same things if the situation came up again. I think I deserve even if it is really all a title, because i earned it, becuase even with all those things going on I can still get my work done, Still answer the phone and emails.
So Why don't I even get considered? I guess the only way to find this out is to ask someone, But that terrifies me too. I get nervous just thinking about it. but my subconscioussay is just not letting this go, I want to, I want to just accept it and move on.
But This is another week and already it is a better start, My car is finally inspected and my tire has all 5 lugnuts! Which is always a plus. since you know you kinda need the tire to stay attached to the car to drive well.
I am looking forward to dinner with some close friends on Friday, Then I was invited to a girls night of poker (which I have no idea how to play but no one else does either) , wine, snack foods and girl talk. I will need it desperately!
So I am determined to get past this bump and start on the road again. I am done second guessing myself, I am done feeling sorry for myself. Time to show that I am the bigger person, I will pout no more, even if it is in private. I am going to continue to do what I do and see where it gets me.
Just being real and being me.